I keep to myself.
I'm emotional.
I have suicide thoughts.
I love listening to long songs that seems to lasts forever.
I enjoy being under sunshine, feel the wind against my face, looking at the blue sky.

If I could have a quiet moment with myself, I would say: You're just one pathetic girl who sits in the toilet and cry all night.

Never ever wanted that to happen. Never wanted all these to happen. If only this was a bad dream. Then I would be able to awake again to a better, brighter day. If only someone understands me. If only I could be able to touch my heart and follow the path it chooses.

I want to be able to be independent, to understand and not hate those around me.

I knew from the very first beginning, I don't belong here. Shouldn't be in this place. My presence just fills the place but does not bring joy to you.

"She likes to keep to herself", "She acts cute and emo, don't you think?" I'm not there, but I know.

Why do you say that of me? Why do you hate me? Why do you not acknowledge my presence? Do you hate me that much? Am I so annoying?

Ha, all I know now is that, I'm falling, crashing, onto the ground.


Having a Coke with You

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

Frank O’Hara


I definitely pushed myself too hard...

Today marks the 9TH Annual Cross-Country 2011.Woke up at 6,washed up,got dressed,drank some hot chocolate,and went downstairs to wait for the car while the RI school bus stops and wait for my neighbours,as usual.

We apparently drove all around the Eastern Side of Singapore via Tampines and actually overshot the Bedok Reservoir Park.When we FINALLY got there,the stupid NPCC boys just stand there and stare like me and Jacelyn are some kind of freak(>_<)Searched for the supermarket and where everyone was but see no one so we followed some of our schoolmates and walked to the right destination.Settled down and passed my valuables to Ms Asva who said I had a lot of things:Handphone,Ipod,Wallet,Camera.

Finally met Mandy and planned to run with Adila and Jessica which I betrayed because all I wanted to do was be in the Top 120.Soon,we got seperated into our Houses.We are in the B-Division girls so we ran first after we did some warm-ups.When we (Mandy and I) ran,it felt like the journey towards the finishing line was eternity which really was cosidering that each time we look at the place where we were supposed to stop,it felt nearer but actually,we weren't.

Walking,jogging and sprinting was what I did.I didn't take any water from the guys handing them out,and each time we passed a group of students/Mr Soh and some other teachers,Mandy and I ran like mad and then of course,stopped again.

When we finally got nearer to the finishing line,I heard screams and Cameron,Oh dear Cameron,oh what the hell.Yeah,I just heard him saying:"....GO MANDY!!!RUN!!!" I didn't hear him saying anything to encourage me so I just shouted:"You say to hear,never say to me?!" But I didn't care what was his reply,I just continued running forth all I could hear was the breaking of each sentence of what the councillor said:"Lau House,Mitchell House....pins and stickers at...."I'm in Lau House so I really thought:Yes!I can be in the Top 120....I forced myself to beat the others,and that's when I almost collapsed.Mandy and I were like are we in the Top 120 because that's what we heard but we just ignored it.

Back to the collapse part.

I sprinted first because everyone was like RUN RUN RUN so I just ran....after I crossed the finishing line,I turned around to find Mandy because I was experiencing difficulties in breathing.I could hear my own whizzing sound,trying to breathe but it was so difficult.My legs felt like jelly.I though something might go seriously wrong so I cried.I just couldn't do it.The GB Head,along with another girl helped me to the First-Aid place where thay gave me 2 litres of oxygen and some water and took my pulse.Ms Quek was ther too.I was just breathless.(That's why this post is called Breathless:I Can't Breathe) I asked Ms Quek to check in on Mandy because she didn't look okay.

When I was feeling much better,Ms Quek asked me to tell my Mum about it which she (Mum) was shocked and worried.After that,Mandy and I went back to the Lau House seating area and then look for Kai Wen.Told her what happened and she was shocked like the rest.Told her I wanted to be in the Top 120 category that's why I forced myself to run all the way.I didn't expect it to be so bad than the other times I experienced the same thing.Min Qi and the rest were there too and they were like,don't cry,its just a pin.They even offered to give theirs to me.Mr Ng thinks that its because I'm probably more worthy that's why they should give it to me (>_<)
I'm not emo,I just felt dissappointed in myself that I didnt make it to the Top 120.But there's always next year...right?

Post of pictures will be laterrrrr.See you tonight! (:


So....a pink rose and two daisies.The rose is blooming but my daisies look half dead and are drooping.Yes,no sunflower but two daisies.But anyways,Valentine's day was awesomeeee.It meant Jorine's 13th birthday and Jamie's 12th birthday which was celebreated with me at Choir in TNS.Im very muc still "into" choir.

New girl arrives,becomes my buddy.I don't speak good Chinese so I speak both at the same time.Wow Klinsmann.Said "you" wanted to sit with the new girl but I ended up getting her.Ha!Jealous much?

Told Kor Kor Lionel I love him.Said I make him shy,Oh what the hell.It should be Jeric.Keep saying he likes me.....alright then,I shall kill him,and Leonard.They deserve it.

Today marks Total Defence Day!So you know Sec ones have to do stuff like learn first-aid and learn how to use the fire extinguisher whose powder went into my nose and mouth and eyes.Disgusting.....(>_<) After all those stuff,I had to go for DNT which almost cause me to be stranded in school because Jacelyn almost left without me!I have low self-esteem,bad huh.Lionel thinks its really bad and he doesn't it,neither does Jethro.

And Baby Jul is so cuteeee.I wanna bing him home.You know,Im just writing crap on my blog.Yeah,Klinsmann?!


Owww! ): I hit my head on the wooden chair while I was getting up from the ground.I cried because it was so pain.Now,it's bruised....Luckily my frinch is covering it.Kor Kor Lionel asked if I wanted him to rub the bruise.My Retarded Smiley Convo with Lionel :p I forgot what I wrote and I deleted them too.

Lionel:1)How was ur sch 2day? C:
2)Ooh.Euu ok?Sat free? :3
3)Aww.... ):
4)Wts miumiu? :o
5)Owie._.Nid korkor rub ur head? (: Get well soon.
6)Where u live? :o
7)Icic. I tot of helping u wif ur studies after sch :3 see I nt gangster I nerd :D
8)Ohya if anybody bully u. Tell me (:
9)Just saying if u kena Bully tell me
10)Meimei wed going rite?
11)PLay bb? :o go out wif kor,xuan and jo la.We go buy ur clothes. (:
12)Aww...Which kor more important?Me or him? :p
13)Lol.Just go wif us uh. ):
14)Argh!Nvm then.Go play bb wif ur tat kor bah.I go wif xuan n jo lo. -.-
15)Meimei dont emo uh.I will more emo de.Jus tell him other day uh.Unless he tat important then u dun cancel lo
16)Duh.Jo n Xuan going
17)Tmr tell u mei (: I organizing wif wei xuan
18)Aww...Man...Tis is troublesome ):

Ugh....Wei Xuan just crashed my plans.Ask me to cancel my BB match with Jethro just because she want to go out with Lionel and Jolene.I promised Jethro last Monday morning and I told Wei Xuan before hand but she anyhow choose the date that crashes my plans and shes asking me to cancel the match.WTS,not for her to decide right.Still ask.I don't want to be mean but I really stuck in between and Wei Xuan can't even answer Yiying.Yiying asked why I say that we are going ish-skating when Wei Xuan say go t to Bugis.Like seriously,I went to Bugis for at least 5 times for the past two months.

Mui Hwee says that I am always so close to Mandy(A).She can talk to me about (A) in front of me and thats what she calls Mandy."You always come to schoool looking so emo.I try to cheer you up but it's like you show no reaction at all.No matter waht,I always come to school with a smile on my face."

When I heard that,I was so pissed like how I am now.Mandy didn't evn do anything wrong ,okay.We just share the same interests and she understands me more.Like I said,I don't like people knowing so much about me.I know maybe I'm a bit on the dark side and harsh at times but i'm always like that in TNS.I can't stand this.Now,I kinda regretted talking to people in this year though I knew Lionel last year.But,can;t he give me some space?See his convo,overprotective.

Not blogging about Super Junior.I just know it was great,awesomeee and fun.I kept jumping and screaming at the end of each song and etc.Esp,DongHae!Love him!


Today's CCA Open House was successful!About 8 people registered and I sang;with my file.DOT!GOOD JOB!

Kor Kor Lionel asked me to go ice-skating with him.Yay!But I won't go if Wei Xuan and Jolene doesn't go.Can't believe he asked me to go.Hardly know each other.Wonder if Klinsmann wants to tag along....

I hope she doesn't see this.Wei Xuan changed.When we graduated and she left,she changed her character and I get so frustrated when I talk to her because she keeps giving me that bad attitude that sucks.She hates Jannelle but the way she talk about her makes me hate her more.Jannelle is nice luh.She just copies people but I don't really care.I can tell she looked sad when she didn't receive her share of pictures.And you know what the answer was when I asked Wei Xuan why she didn't receive?Because shes not supposed to.If not,then why she take with us right?Everyone knows it's not real.Change so much.

Kor Kor Lionel told me to talk to me about 'it' but i'm perfectly fine....He tries to keep the bad stuff away like Klinsmann.But they can't keep them away forever,right...Lionel think Mummie loves me so she scolds me but all that comes out of her mouth is vulgarities.She and Elizabeth adore doing that in front of my friends.WTS!Elizabeth moved all her clothes into my SUPPOSEDLY-TO-BE-MY-ROOM and kept saying that room IS NOT GOING TO BE MINE.Oh,WTS.Crap.Shes already sleeping in the other room which she claims to be HER room,now shes taking MINE?!It's not fair...It's mine!So scoot over!

I suddenly have the emo feeling.I don't know myself much that's why I can't tell why am I being like this.Is it because of Mummie?Elizabeth?Wei Xuan?Kor Kor Lionel?Klinsmann?Am I being jealous?I don't know.I'm not sure.I just know I want someone to be here for me.Wipe the tears away.Sing me a song when I'm about to sleep.I want to touch the sky.Be the sky.Because the when I'm the sky,I can see you all the time no matter what...

So life's always like that for me.No one can keep the bad stuff away.They can't....


1)I feel really,really sick.Like I am gonna puke,again.It doesn't feel right....

2)So,school's always the same and every single day/The people I LOVE the most in GMSS: Mui Hwee,Min Qi,Nutan,Tan Qing,Hyeong Eun,Anton,Chanel,Mandy,Klinsmann,CAMERON ~FTW~,MINDEZ ~FTW~.The rest are just some people that don't talk to me,or just being some sarcastic person like someone in class.Or another giel who dumps her BFFS.

I almost died when Yiying didn't talk to me but we are back together again so yeah.Stupid people just don't know how to appreciate friends.

3)The people in school are just plain idiotic.But you.....I don't know what to say about you.I feel pretty much happy when you'r around and yes,you made a difference in my life...I lost the feeling.That super special feeling.

Some people aren't like you.They ignore my presence,talk crap about me etc.What shyttie.My life is better of without these kind of people!

4)LOVEEEEE LIONEL!!!!

Ended school at like,4PM.Kenny told me he just ended school when I left the school.It took him a freaking 1 hour to meet me.But the stupyd him don't even know where my school is.So I waited in the rain.Remebered someone said he would come back to school so that I could stand under his umbrella.Yeah,and I waited for a freaking long time.End up,I had to pick him up.And now my left shoulder hurts because HE took a long time and my bag is darn heavy!

By the time I reach Bugis,it was already 5PM+!The people who came:Yiying,Sandi,Claire,Kenny,Joel,Wei Xuan,Jannelle,All of us took 3 neo-prints together and later went to MCD to buy food.WHAT?I was hungry okay.Kenny laa,make me walk so much.Like i'm in a walking marathon (>_<) Zzz.Anyways,Min Qi gave me an ultra cute Bunnie called CARROTS and a notebook.Jannelle gave me a DIVA BANGLE.The one Claire wanted.Too bad.She doesn't have.

Enjoyed today.Wish,Kenny wouldn't lay his sweaty head on my shoulder!!!

Still,the people in school are idiotic!