I am such an idiot.I cried just because I am about to waste my two BEAST Hi-5 session tickets worth $110.Why everyone must be so busy during that timing?God probably wants me to not go for the session.I don;t blame him.I blame mysef instead.BABO!"Why not go by yourself?"That stupid voice and what everyone else is saying...I wouldn't dare go by myself.Probably suffering from a disorder like the person in the teenage magazine.I can't believe that I am going to waste the money I saved by not going to see them.I wouldn't want to go with ELizabeth.Afraid that she would scold me for saying a lie,scold me for wasting money and not going,scold me for embarrassing her-that sort of things,freak me out.Everytime I see someone I like,I would most likely scream,and everyone turns around to look at us she will probably jab me in the arm.THAT SUCKS!!!I hate my life!I'd wish I wasn't born into this family-having such awful family members and a vain/act cool sister.I want to have a brother!I don't care if he is was adopted or what,I just want one!I hate myself!!!!!I cry at little things for no reason,my face has so many pimples and my hair is bad......................ITS HORRIBLE!Alright?!I want all these to end!!!


Had so much fun at SCOOPS OF ART!!!Met there to do homework and HAHA,I didn't do them.I want to cry again.....can't find someone to follow me to see BEAST.But I really want Claire Sng to go with me because,I mean,its her birthday and I wan tto give the ticket to her since she love BEAST and YOSEOB!!!OMG,OMG,OMG,its TOMORROW!!!NO!!!!Sudden rush of emotion!!!

Go to SCOOPS OF ART CAFE and see if you can find what i've written on the glass panel!


I am missing Kor.......I want him back!!!!!But no....hes not all mine.Jeremy's mine!WOOHOO!I miss so many people and things.I am guilty of things I can't say here.But.......I don't know.So many things that I want to know,need to know.....Why can't I be happy?Why am I not smiling,which makes people wonder too?Why is it that I am in the wrong?Why is that LOVE doesn't come your way?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?I love you GOG,so please help me...You know that some people are just out to hurt me.I,apparently don't know who...


Listening to ANGEL by SHINHWA.Mum boughgt a $449 Canon camera without telling me.Asked if it was a wide lens camera and she looked nervous but said YES.But clearly,Aunt came and after she went home,I checked the camera.Theres a SELPHY PRINTER in PINK!THE CAMERA IS PINK!!!AND ITS DIGITAL.WHAT THE ......1)I hate pink 2)Its not even the camera I wanted 3)She lied-the both of them!I want my cammie.......I want it before Kyle and Kevin come!!!!


Camp Phaino was really awesome!Not only that but also:Yingen,Stefani,Ruth,Aaron,Michel,Azriel,Zekki,Fang Qi and my BFF-Yiying,Claire,Paul and the rest of Camp Phaino friends.You guys are like the best!

DAY 1 AT CAMP:Arrived at the church.Gathered to the chapel for TEAM TIME which means talking,discussing and doing introductions about ourselves and doing PRAISE AND WORSHIP.Yiying,Claire and I were supposed to be in the same group but can't so we got Paul from my group to change with Yiying from Claire's and he was really nice to give it up.Our mailbox board was a drawing of Justin as my group was called .Our TL and ATL mailbox was at the top and the rest of us were on Justin's stomach which means we were abs!HAHA!We learned to do the CAMP DANCE which I really wasn't interested in but I still danced.Then it was LUNCH.Pastor Andy came over to talk to Yiying and I.After that was TEAM TIME again which we discussed about FINALE NIGHT.We were going to dance to K-Pop and some english songs like SEXY BACK,etc on FINALE NIGHT.Followed by GAMES and CAMP DANCE!But I didn't feel like doing it and a sudden rush of sadness came over me causing me to sit out of the CAMP DANCE.I Later that day,we went to wash up and moved all our bags to the dorms.DINNER TIME was next at 8.00PM and WORD at 9.00PM.SUPPER at 10.00PM and LIGHTS OUT at 11.00PM.I couldn't sleep the whole entire night because there were snoring and stuff like that so I had a sore back the next day.

DAY 2 AT CAMP:Woke up very early at 4.45AM and got ready to go to EAST COAST PARK for games at the beach,breakfast at McD and lunch at BK.We walked there!Just imagine us walking from Tembling road to EAST COAST PARK is just a TORTURE.I didn't feel like eating,still,Aaron and Ruth bought me breakfast which I still didn't eat and so I didn't have to pay for it.Did DEVOTIONS 1,and prayed for Yiying and I for me to get better and US to get to make friends with everyone.We had GAMES and they were challenging because we had to share saliva.EW....EH!I don;t mind okay....just that I had to reach it in boys type of push up position but I can't.After that,I had to sit out for water bomb because I wasn't feeling well.And then it started raining.So after the water bombs,we had lunch at BK's and this time,I really ate and followed by GAMES...again!WE walked back to Church and washed up.Had WORD.During WORD,one by one the groups came out to do tunnelling at the basement (Something like OBS!)Stefani was really nice to say that I could opt out but I still went because I ever experienced it before.It was then followed by supper and then LIGHTS OUT!

DAY 3 AT CAMP:Woke up at 8.30PM,got dressed and went down with Yiying for breakfast.It was then followed by GAMES and then lunch.TEAM TIME was next and soon got ready for FINALE NIGHT which was really fantastic! danced to AMIGO RING DING DONG,FIRE,SEXY BACK then we went to the side so that SWIFT could join and we sang some remixed SINGAPORE song together with SWIFT.Aaron wrote the word SEXY on Michel's back because of the song and chose his back because it's the sexiest!(WHAT AM I SAYING?)Ruth was probably nervous that she pulled Michel's shirt up when it wasn't time yet.HAHA!Now for advertisement,Michel,Aaron and Ruth danced to ABRACADABRA (DIRTY VERSION BY 2PM and 2AM.Then it was Fang Qi,Yiying and my turn to dance alone with the song NOTHING ON YOU with Ruth,Michel and Aaron at the back really washing their head with real shampoo and Azriel and Zekki rapping which was totally cute.Azriel did a solo to NOBODY with the rest of dancing back-up."CHILDREN!"Ruth said while pulling up her pants and Aaron and Michel with glasses,acting as nerds.SO CUTE."DID YOU HEAR OF THE KISSING YOU SHAMPOO?" Michel and Aaron replied,"NO.WHATS THAT?" "LET ME SHOW YOU!"Ruth said.KISSING YOU blasted through the speakers and we started dancing to it.After dancing and watching the others perform,it was time to eat dinner at the Social Hall.We ate buffet.We were allowed to eat that because it's the last night night together.SO COOL!WORD AND MINISTRY.Michel told us that we got 600 points for FINALE NIGHT.Later that night,we won THIRD for overall!Oh my gosh,I was freaking shocked when we were told to do something really tiring and exhausting.And,SERIOUSLY its true.Station 1:Squat and stand with backs facing our partner and linked arms while counting prime numbers.We took really long to do it so the GAME MASTER,Robin and Klejti (SHOOT,I don't know how to spell her name) told us to count from some number in the multiples of 9.I wanted to scream but I ended up screaming in my heart,mind and my mouth but no words came out.Station 2:We did push up and stayed in that position for girls and crutches till Azriel and Zekki were done cleaning the Social Hall and had to link arms to do the walking,squatting thingy in line.Station 3:While doing crutches with our legs holding up a pail of water half-filled with water and it was totally hard for me as I wasn't feeling well.While doing that,Azriel volunteered to find a coin.He took so long but we cheered along.I DID CHEER OKAY!Next,I volunteered myself and came back around two minutes later.Continued carrying the pail while singing songs and cheering us on.But unfortunately,I scratched myself on both arms on the concrete floor.Station 4:Did push up position and recited camp verse without seeing the paper.The pain was killing me and again,I wanted to scream but I just opened my mouth.Yingen came over to do it with us and some others tagged along too.The GAME MASTER said that Ruth cannot help and I guessed that made her cry but she meant well.We persevered and soon came to cheer us again but we took quite long AGAIN!so they recited the verse beside us while doing crutches which I think its a trial.Once we were done,we cheered for them too and we headed over to Kieth at Station 4.Station 5:The boys had to do a total of 150 push ups together but they split it,Aaron and Michel did the most as they were I don't know...strong?Azriel and Zekki did less.While they were doing that,the girls had to hold up two books each while we count and waited for the boys to finish the push ups.Actually,there is another two more stations I think but we didn't do as it was probably late.Like really late....But was still reciting the verse so we- went to do the same (crutches and push up position) but not reciting the verse.And soon,everyone joined.Claire was like,"Fang Ren,why are we doing this?" Still,she did the same as everyone and did it behind Yiying and I."Move your legs out of my face." And so,I moved.Was really pissed about it and Ruth heard it and said it's okay..-I think."See la,lend you my shirt!" And Claire told Charissa. "Charissa,see,I lend my friend the shirt and....." Tears stung my eyes and I started crying.Yiying backed me up by saying that I lend my pants to her."it's only for one day,she used mine for two days."Ruth came over after were done reciting the verse and tool me to see someone for a plaster and Jeremy PAN said,"Small problem!"Yiying helped me paste the plaster for me and told me it was okay and said our promise again which is to be happy for that day and not cry but I broke it!
Stefani said that after bathing and everything,we could hang out at the Social Hall but after Yiying and I bathed,we were really tired but stayed up till 3AM++ to write cards and talk crap!SO FUNNY!I totally regretted not goin to the Social Hall because I heard it was really fun!Mariko and Naomi told us there was part 2 but we were told it was fake so Yiyng and I continued sleeping.

DAY 4 AT CAMP:Woke up to TINKERBELL but somehow slept in for exactly 5 minutes.Washed up and went to Social Hall for breakfast but I was sleeping there loh.So cool and bad at the same time hor?!Woke up a few minutes later and ate some stuff.Went to clean up the Social hall,toilets and Chapel and packed everthing.Can't remember which is first but yeah....I wrote a note to Michel,Fang Qi,Yiying,Ruth and Aaron.Aaron's note was so ridiculous because I wrote that Claire and I said he was hot!WAHAHAHAHA!Anyways,we took pictures and changed into our camp shirts and took pictures again and I got Ryth and Aaron to sign autographs.SORRY PAUL and someone else.I made that someone wait for the marker.Yiying's dad sent me back home which was somehow fun!

Borrowed Claire's shoes till next month,had so much fun there,JEREMY PAN IS NOT MY JEREMY I LOVE OKAY!etc...

"YOU GUYS MADE MY TIME AT CAMP REALLY FUN!SO THANKS IF YOU READ THIS ENTRY AND ARE FROM CAMP PHAINO!"

Esther loves you!SARANGHAEYO

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Sunday, June 6, 2010

I totally envy Jeremy!He looks so super good in sunglasses.And he is so cute.
Reasons why I LOVE instead of LIKE about him is that:1)super cute 2)goofs around and talk crap 3)loves swimming 4)tanned 5)knows what I am thinking-sometimes.
So see,Jeremy,thats why I LOVE you.But you'd probably like someone else.
Its another odinary day...I just want to get myself tanned.I hope me and my buddies can go to Sentosa soon,other than Snow City. Camp's approaching soon.CAMP PHAINO!Omg,suddenly,I feel like bailing out.Going for camping with people you don' know is like....ugh.But at least I will be with Yiying and Claire S.
Yesterday,SUPER JUNIOR came to Singapore and said that they are going to have their Super Show 3 here.What the Hell.I never even got to go yesterday to see the showcase.Lucky Felicia went to see with her friends.Soon,BEAST AND U-Kiss would be coming for their showcase too.I have to go.I don;t care but what if I can't?
Jie jie Michelle went to America this morning or going to.Hope she has a safe trip. :)

shared @ 9:50 PM

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Went to Bugis today with Damon,Joshua nad Wei Xuan.Had loads of fun time together.Watched a movie,ate popcorn and took neo-prints but the boys didn't want to take.Fine.Like either Damon or Joshua paid for the popcorn and drinks but Damon didn't want to take the money and he said Joshua paid for it which I think was bogus.Anyway,in the theater,it was freezing cold.I brought mine but it was still so cold.Then Wei Xuan asked me to lend mine and I did and I stared at Joshua.After the movie,I told Joshua that I stared was because I wanted to borrow his jacket.And guess what?He did.HaHa.
I feel really,really bad.I think I am getting nightmares soon because there's this someone who keeps staring at me.And its really freaking me out.Cross my heart that I don't hate this someone but............

shared @ 5:23 AM