I am falling apart.It's unpredictable.

Yesterday,I cried in the toilet.I thought about how people always stare at me like I provoked them or something.It's so hard to adjust to a new school,new environment,new bunch of people and every single day,people would ask me if I am okay because I show no emotion.I don't want to show any emotion,I don't want them to know I am sad or whatever.And now,the problem lies with myself.

First things first,I don't trust anyone in the school.So I pretty much keep everything to myself.I hardly open up when it comes to camping with people I don;t know.

Secondly,every time I go to school,it's like I don't belong there.Like I just came to spoil the fun and all those stuffs.

No one understands what I am going through.I already ignored the fact that we.are.apart.And that I will not probably get the chance to see ____ again but now,this?Seriously,can it get any worse?Every time I pray.Friends pray.Nothing happens.I am not blaming God.Of course not.It's just that people don't understad.

I told Bro about it.He said,"Cheer up la!You were always so cheerful!And don't care about other people who stare at you>
Truth is,he got bullied.Not theat I got bullied but it's like the people hate me.Bro told me that he didn't want to fight back knowing what the consequences would be but even if he didn't,how long is he gonna hide.Or rather,how long am I gonna keep up with all these?For how long must I bear with it?

A few years back,I dreamt about a car accident.What I heard,or researched about shows that I could get hurt if I dont stop or slow down.But stop what?Slow down for?I live in fear and anxiety thinking of what others might think of me.I am sure,the people there hate me.Not only in school,at home too.Can't figure out why my life works this way....

So,yes.It's true.My life IS falling apart and it's definitely unpredictable.

shared @ 5:25 AM